


Ghosts That We Knew

by icalledherocean



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icalledherocean/pseuds/icalledherocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You may not understand, but out there, are so many planets, so many worlds. Billions of people living lives. There's so much life happening right beyond our reach. Out there, flying across the stars is a man. The man I used to be." A companion piece to Old Ghosts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts That We Knew

" _Raggedy man, goodbye."_

_The Doctor slowly sits down on the stairs of the console room, staring blankly ahead at the time rotor._

" _Know that we love you, always."_

_He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. Almost a week has passed and he can't get their faces or her voice out of his head. Not that he wanted to forget them, he knew he never would, he'd never forget a single one of his companions. His friends._

_He stands and pulls her round glasses from his jacket pocket. He's been carrying them around ever since New York, unable to really part with them._

_He frowns and walks through the console room and down one of the halls. He's been just wandering around for days, not really looking at anything he comes across and not really able to control his legs._

_He reaches the door he's tried so hard to keep away from, but always ends up at. He sighs and pushes it open, revealing the Ponds' room. They'll never be here again. He'll never watch them laugh as they walk down this hall to this door. Never smile as Amy gives Rory her usual exasperated look._

_He shakes his head and leaves the room._

_As he closes the door behind him, he notices something that he'd missed on his way in. He rarely visits his companions in their room, as a rule. It's their own, and he has no place in it, but as he stands with his back against the door to the Ponds' room, he sees the one room he couldn't stay away from for such a long time: Rose's room._

_He'd never known they had chosen a space so close to hers, and it's almost laughable, the irony, but the presence of this ghost just brings another stab of guilt and pain. Rose Tyler. He promised he would never forget her. That he wouldn't just leave her and move on, and in an attempt to escape the pain of losing her, he'd broken that promise._

_He moves forward and pushes the door open. Her room is exactly the same, and he will never change it. No one else can open this door, he'd made sure of that. No one else needs to see the place where his - where she stayed._

_He sighs, "Rose… You'd know what to do now." He shakes his head. "You always knew."_

_His eyes flit to a mirror that stands opposite him,_

and the Doctor's eyes snap open.

He sits up and looks around, momentarily disoriented. His dream had been so vivid, for a moment it would have felt more normal to be waking up in his room on the TARDIS, rather than with Rose curled against his side.

He shakes his head and stands up, moving swiftly to the bathroom. He flicks the light on and stares immediately at his reflection. Same unruly hair, same nose, same eyes… Everything appears as normal as ever, but he knows it wasn't his own face looking back at him in the dream.

It was  _him_.

The Doctor sighs, something like this hasn't happened in nearly six years. Not since the connection had been closed off after the other Doctor regenerated. There's not a clear explanation to why this leaked through, except that the other man is in severe emotional distress, leaving his mind open. A dangerous thing to do, really, but there's probably no one else that could access his thoughts without the connection the two of them share.

He makes his way back to the bed and sits down, running his hands through his hair. It isn't the vision that's shaken him, but more the extreme amount of fear he felt during it, and the loneliness. He remembers it well, the chest-crushing pain of not having the ones you love with you. Not for the first time, he's so glad to not have to wonder when Rose will have to leave him. The slow path is wonderful with her by his side. He smiles down at her, and realizes then she's awake.

She returns his smile and sits up. "Is everything alright?"

He nods. "Yeah. Just a dream." He leans down and kisses her forehead, whispering, "Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine." She watches his eyes for a moment, and he's sure she's looking for any signs of stress or flight. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He opens his mouth to tell her no, when a cry comes over the baby monitor. She goes to stand, but he puts a hand on her shoulder. "I'll go. You get some sleep."

The Doctor leaves the room and walks down the hall, toward the room that's been painted pink and purple to suit the tastes of their daughter. He smiles to himself when she stops crying at the sight of him. Tears are rolling down her cheeks but she smiles anyway, and holds her arms out for him to pick her up. He whispers, "Oh, what noise you make," as he picks her up from the crib.

Kate. Catherine Donna Tyler-Smith, she had his heart the moment her eyes met his, and it seems impossible for him to love anything more than he loves this tiny pink thing, with her messy brown hair and eyes exactly like her mother's. He was so afraid at first; the fear of losing her gripped his heart so tight he sometimes found it hard to breathe. But as time went on, he got better, he realized this wouldn't be like before. This time, he would be able to stay and watch his child grow, and that fear is non-existent now. He rubs her back gently and she leans her head against his shoulder, gripping tight at his shirt.

She makes a small noise and he smiles. "I know. Nightmares can be scary, but it's ok now." He frowns a little, images and emotions from his dream still vivid. "Daddy has them too."

The Doctor moves to the large window in her room and stares out into the night, the stars are especially bright. He sighs softly, "Your mum and I used to travel all through the stars."

Kate leans back and looks at her dad with bright eyes. He's told her stories about the stars before, wanting his daughter to know about his real past with Rose but she's too young to get the entire story.

He nods and points out the window. "Up past the stars, to the farthest places." His smile falls slightly. "Not these stars though, no." He's quiet for a moment. "She was magnificent, your mum. Always is." He frowns, his lips in a straight, thin line. "Not hard to imagine why he's missing her."

Kate tilts her head and the Doctor closes his eyes. He sits down on the window seat, and stretches his legs out.

He sighs, "You may not understand, but," he gestures out the window again, "out there, are so many planets, so many worlds. Billions of people living lives. There's so much life happening right beyond our reach." He sits Kate in his lap and brushes her already long hair out of her eyes, causing her to giggle softly. "Out there, flying across the stars is a man. The man I used to be."

Kate grips his fingers and frowns.

"The Doctor in the TARDIS. Traveling through the universe with no one to answer to." Kate squeezes his fingers again. "Yes, I'm the Doctor, but I'm one of two men with that name now. It's a complicated story, and I'll tell you when you're older. But that man, in another universe, another time, misses your mum. We both loved her, but there couldn't be two of us." He smiles, "And she chose me."

"Every time." The Doctor looks up at the sound of Rose's voice and sees her standing in the doorway, watching him with their daughter. She walks over to them and sits on the opposite side of the window seat, facing him. "What's going on, Doctor?"

Kate reaches for her mum and Rose takes her into her arms, smiling down at her. The Doctor just watches them for a moment, happy, but he can feel that terrified sensation creeping up on him. The same that he felt all those years ago on that damn beach, wondering if he was going to be left completely alone here. Rose taps his foot with hers and he smiles softly. "He's coming here." His brow furrows. "Well, he's going to try at least."

"Who?" He sighs and looks away from her, not wanting to see the look of realization on her face. "The other Doctor?" Rose frowns. "Why is he trying to come back now? He never has before."

He shakes his head. "Something's happened. I can't be sure; our connection isn't very strong. I thought it had severed, but I saw him tonight. That was my dream." Rose doesn't say anything so he continues, "He's weak, he probably wasn't aware that the connection opened back up. Or maybe he was trying, I don't know. Well, he wasn't  _trying_." Their eyes meet. "He was thinking about you."

Rose raises an eyebrow. "And he's coming here, for what? A friendly visit?" She looks away from him, anger clear on her face.

The Doctor leans forward and places a hand on her arm. "Don't do that." He moves his hand to her face and runs his thumb across her cheek. "Don't let the anger stop you from realizing you'll get to see him again."

Their eyes meet and Rose shakes her head, taking his hand in hers. "I know what you're thinking, and no." She looks down and smiles at the now sleeping form of Kate. Rose stands up and places her in the crib.

She looks back at the Doctor and holds her hand out. When he takes it, she leads him back to their bedroom and they both sit down on the bed.

Rose doesn't let go of his hand, just holds tight. He sighs, "You miss it. The TARDIS and him, seeing the stars."

She frowns. "I do. I can't deny that. But I wouldn't have missed this life for anything. I love  _you_." She places her hands on either side of his face and smiles softly. "I love our family and everything that's given us." She leans up and places a kiss on his lips. "I'd never leave you. Not for him, not for all the stars."

"Mum, just sit down." Rose is sitting at the small table in the kitchen of hers and the Doctor's house, watching as her mother paces around the room carrying Kate. "Your tea is gonna be cold if you don't. She's fine."

Jackie sighs and relents, "She was screaming her head off last time I sat down. Likes to be moving, this one." She shakes her head. "Can't image where she gets it from."

Rose smirks. "Actually, she thinks it's funny because you get so upset."

"What?" Jackie looks between her daughter and her granddaughter. "Did the Doctor tell you that?" She rolls her eyes. "Everything in the world, and he speaks baby." Kate reaches out for Rose and smiles wide as her mum sits her on her lap. Jackie watches them smiling, so glad Rose and the Doctor finally stayed put long enough to have a family. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Rose frowns and messes with Kate's hair. "The Doctor - the other one - He's coming back."

Jackie frowns. "How do you mean? He can't come back here, can he?"

Rose shakes her head, shrugging her shoulders. "I didn't think so, but last night - he had this dream about it. Something's happened."

"Are you gonna see him?"

Rose sighs, "I don't know. I don't know if he'll try to find us or not…" She trails off thinking of her first and last memory of the Time Lord. He stood away, just watching and knowing she was happy.

"And the Doctor's ok with this?" Rose doesn't respond for a few minutes and Jackie leans forward. "Rose?"

"He says he is." She frowns. "But I know he isn't. He thinks I'm going to leave."

Jackie nods slightly. "I hate to ask, but are you?"

Rose's eyes widen. "Mum!"

"It's a fair question, sweetheart. You dropped your whole life to go traveling with him before.  _He knows_  you did." Rose is shaking her head. "Do you think you can see him again and not even think about it?"

Rose looks away from her mum, she's already had this conversation with the Doctor and she hated it then. He's being stupid thinking she would just leave him after all they've been through together. Not only do they have those memories from before, but they've had new adventures of their own. Kate looks up at her, eyes wide and bright. How could she even consider leaving their family?

"We're a family." Rose looks back at her mum, "Of course I wouldn't leave him. I just wish he would listen to me."

"He'll come round. That man loves you." Rose smiles a little and Jackie nods. "He's just being an idiot. Not unheard of with him."

"I don't know where he'll land, but it's going to be somewhere connected directly to you." The Doctor doesn't look out from under the console of the TARDIS. Almost two year ago they were finally able to actually go inside this wonderful machine, but it doesn't seem like it. It's amazing, really. She isn't as big as the original TARDIS yet, but more rooms are popping up constantly.

Rose nods. "Alright. Where's that?"

He sighs, puts down the sonic screwdriver and looks over at her. She's perched on the launch seat and he smiles at the sight, just as she should be. He sits next to her, stretching his legs out and placing his feet against the console. "I can't tell you, I don't know. It's something you'll have to figure out." He watches her for a moment. "Wherever it is, the TARDIS will lock on and force a landing there. If they make it through, that is."

She nods. She still isn't sure whether she wants to see the Time Lord again. She isn't afraid to, but something tells her it isn't a good idea to go. She looks at the Doctor, her husband, his eyes are locked on the time rotor, purposely not looking at her. He thinks the other Doctor will be arriving today, a gut feeling, he said. Rose can tell he's nervous about what will happen, fearing the worst.

"You know, maybe I won't go." He looks at her, his brow furrowed. She shrugs. "He doesn't get everything he wants."

The Doctor shakes his head. "You should, Rose." She rolls her eyes and looks away. He takes a deep breath, "I know I've been a bit stupid about this." Rose scoffs and he smiles. He places his fingers under her chin and turns her head back to him. "And I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Rose smiles slightly. "Well, you're a daft, jealous, overreacting alien." The Doctor sighs. "And I love you." She leans forward and kisses him, smiling wider as their TARDIS starts to hum softly. The Doctor looks up at the console and Rose laughs, "She agrees."

The Doctor smiles and laughs, "I'd like someone on my side." He stands up and goes back to working under the console.

Rose watches him from her seat, he's so happy working on the TARDIS. It's been an interesting journey, growing the TARDIS and planning travels with a little girl in tow. Neither of them expected to go into space with a child but, then again, neither of them expected Kate.

She smiles when the Doctor sighs in frustration and moves further under the console. It's hard to think of being without him. He's always been such a big part of her life, a wonderful and maddening part, but it's an amazing life. It's been an amazing life with this Doctor. There's such unexpected happiness that she finds it hard to believe she was ever upset to be left here. Suddenly, the thought hits her, and she knows exactly where the other Doctor will land.

Rose sits under a tree near her favourite place in the park. She knows this is where he'll show up, the place that's brought her the most happiness in this world. She and the Doctor decided she should see him on her own, rather than both of them being here. He's gone into Torchwood to work on a new project Pete has found for him, while Kate stays with Jackie.

Her heart skips a beat when she hears that familiar noise, and her eyes immediately find the blue police box. She can tell the man who steps out of the box is so clearly different from her Doctor, and she suddenly feels nervous about being here. He came to see her, but what if he's too different? What if she's too different?

He makes his way across the park and she smiles softly when he sits down on  _that_  bench. The place where the Doctor proposed to her. He always knew how to find her. She takes a deep breath then stands and heads toward where he sits.

She walks up behind him and leans her elbows on the bench. He pulls out a magazine and starts flipping through pages. The article he stops on doesn't surprise her. It's the one about her father and his fortune, giving details of his plans to eventually pass everything along to his daughter. What the writer of the article didn't know was that business would be Torchwood, not Vitex. She knows he isn't reading it though, rather he's looking at the photos, trying to glean anything about her life here.

He pauses on one of her and the Doctor and she can hear the soft sigh he gives. "They always publish such rubbish photos." The words are out before she can even think about them, and she can tell she's startled him.

He looks back at her, his eyes wide in surprise. "No, these are… Lovely. Real."

She smiles softly. He looks different, his voice is different, but maybe he isn't  _so_  different. Maybe he's still her same Doctor.

"Didn't mean to interrupt you. I don't buy them, but can't help the curiosity sometimes," smiling as she speaks. He nods, still staring at her. "Mind if I sit?" She settles next to him on the bench, finding it odd to be in this place with this Doctor rather than the one she's spent the past six years with. She looks out across the park, taking in just how beautiful it looks here. "I love this park. Found it not long after I got here." She sighs and whispers, "Such a long time ago."

He looks at her, frowning. "You're not from here?"

Rose looks at him, he knows all too well that she is not from here. He knows how far from her first home she actually is. "Bit complicated, really."

He nods and smiles, a smile so familiar it makes her heart skip a beat. He leans forward a bit, in an intimate way that she was once so accustomed to, but now it seems strange. "The best stories are."

She just watches him for a moment. He doesn't realize she knows who he is. It hurts for a moment, but, of course, he's changed. How would she know? To him, she's just turned up in this park by chance, not because she was told that he was trying to find her.

He wants a story? He can have their story.

"When I was nineteen, I met this man in a shop where I worked." Her smile widens as the memory of that strange man in a leather coat comes back to her mind. "He was completely mad, but I just - trusted him. Right off. You know how sometimes you can just tell, that's what this was. He saved my life. A lot of times really." She shakes her head. "We travelled together. Went to the most amazing places. But one day, I got lost… I ended up here, on my own."

"I'm sure he tried to find you." Her brow furrows and she's struck by the words. He  _did_  try to find her after Canary Warf, but it didn't work. She found him.

She frowns slightly. "Maybe. I found him, in the end. Saved the universe." She looks down, unable to keep eye contact. "But it couldn't last. I should have known as much." She twists the ring on her left hand. "He brought me back here, to have a normal life."

"Sounds like he was more stupid than mad, leaving you here."

She looks back at him and smiles. He's looking out over the park, she can tell he likes it here as well. "I thought so, for a long time. I was so angry with him. But then, one day, I stopped. I realized being mad at him wouldn't help me and he wouldn't have wanted me to be like that," she pauses, watching his reaction to her words. "I got on with my life. Let myself fall in love with the man I was meant to be with." She's quiet for a few minutes and when he looks at her, she's staring at him, a small smirk on her lips. She whispers, "I knew you'd come back, Doctor."

His eyebrows rise quickly and she can't help but smile. "How did you know?"

Rose shakes her head. "I'd know you anywhere. Even with a bowtie."

He shrugs and smiles, it's a little sad. "New-new-new Doctor."

She nods. "New-new-new Doctor." They fall into a comfortable silence, just like before. It was never bad, the quiet, between the two of them. She enjoyed the quiet as much as she did the moments when he did nothing but talk. It seemed like nothing could be wrong, like he could tell just what she was thinking. He's watching her closely, looking for signs of change, but she can see even past this new face to the deeper change in him. "You're on your own," she whispers.

"Now," his smile doesn't falter but his eyes reflect his emotion. "Another story to tell." He nods toward her wedding band she's twisting around her finger. "You're not, I see."

A smile takes over her face, and she just can't help it. "We're happy, Doctor. It wasn't always easy, but we're so good." It's the truth. She realized it a long time ago, that she is happier with forever with a man that can share it. She loves this man still, but the love she feels for  _her_  Doctor has surpassed what she felt for the man she met in the shop so long ago. "He's so like you, but his own person that can make me happy no matter what." She laughs softly, "Drives me mad some days, but I'm glad of how everything happened."

The Doctor shakes his head. "When did I not drive you mad?"

Rose reaches out and takes his hand in hers, like all those years ago she can almost feel the way he relaxes at her touch. "How did you get here? I thought it was sealed off forever?"

"I thought so too, but someone made it through, a long time ago." He smiles as Rose shakes her head. She gives him the look he's never been able to forget, the one that says 'stop being so thick and just answer the question.' That look only works on him when it comes from her. "I wanted to see you again." He squeezes her hand then releases it. "I lost my friends."

He falls silent and Rose frowns. "Tell me about them." Her voice is gentle and it makes him smile.

"The Ponds." He looks away, back out over the park. "They were… Unforgettable. I met Amy right after I regenerated. The TARDIS crashed into this little girl's backyard and she didn't even blink before taking care of me." He smiles suddenly. "Made me fish fingers and custard. Interesting combination, you should try it." Rose laughs and shakes her head, but she stays quiet, letting the Doctor tell his story. "I had to go though, told her I would be back in a few minutes, but I was gone for twelve years."

"Did she wait for you?"

The Doctor looks back at Rose. "Yes. And then two more years. I never was good at timing, was I?" They both share a smile, remembering the many mistaken times they landed in.

"You know," Rose's eyes are bright, "it's worth the wait." He doesn't say anything, but Rose finds she's glad to be with him after all this time. Glad of the chance to see him again, to know he's still ok. "You said Ponds, before."

"Yes, the Ponds." He sighs, "Amy and Rory. We had such adventures. They were with me through a lot, the Ponds. They have each other, as they should." He smiles, sad again. "And I just don't know what to say about them."

"Grieving is normal, Doctor." She pauses, suddenly unsure if she wants to reveal all that she knows about this new man. She does know about one person he still has in his life. "You're not completely alone."

He raises an eyebrow. "He told you, didn't he?"

She nods. "Yeah. We've had a lot of time. Does she really always have handcuffs?"

He smiles. "Spoilers."

Rose smiles and rolls her eyes, she knows there's more to the story. Her Doctor hasn't been there, hasn't really got to know the woman who somehow means so much in his future. He's quiet again, but she isn't sure if there's anything she can really say. He could have gone to River for this, but he chose to break through the walls of the universe just for a glimpse of her. He really didn't forget…

He's still holding the magazine and Rose takes it out of his hands. He's here because he's lost his friends, but what he doesn't understand is the wonderful life that waits while his companions travel. She's had one, and, even though she never knew the Ponds, she's certain they'll have one. She points to a photo of her and the family she has now, everyone is there but Kate. "Life with you, Doctor… It's fast and amazing and something irreplaceable. But, when it ends, there's so much waiting. They'll always remember you, but if they have each other, then it's good too."

The Doctor watches her for a moment, then leans forward and hugs her. She doesn't hesitate to hug him back. He whispers, "Rose Tyler… Thank you." He doesn't pull away and tightens her embrace. "I'm sorry I left you."

She pulls back and frowns. "Doctor…"

He shakes his head. "I left without saying goodbye. Twice."

"It hurt. I was upset after Canary Wharf, and I worked so hard on the dimension cannon to get back to you, just to be brought back here." He frowns and she shakes her head. "But I'm not upset anymore. I meant it before, life with the Doctor is wonderful, but my life now is wonderful too."

He nods. "Your mum looks the same." He's trying to change the topic, get away from what's uncomfortable. Rose allows it this time, the last time, because she knows it's not about telling him she's ok, it's about showing him.

"She is. Should have brought her with me." Rose pulls her phone out of her pocket. "You know, we lived with them for a while. Well, about two months." She smiles wide, unable to stop when she thinks of how the Doctor hated life in the mansion. "He couldn't take it anymore, so we moved to our own flat."

The Doctor laughs a bit. "I can understand where he's coming from."

"We have our own house now." She messes with her phone for a moment and pulls up a photo of her and the Doctor in front of their new house. They bought it not long after she found out she was pregnant. It's great, really. Enough space for them and the baby, close enough to her family but also allows them to have privacy to raise their own. And it's blue, TARDIS blue. That's what made it perfect.

She shows the Doctor the picture and he grins. "I can't imagine you two living anywhere else."

It's nearing sunset, she hadn't realized how long the two of them had been out here. She really should get home; the Doctor will probably be ready to pull his hair out if her mum stuck around the house after he got back.

"Rose?" She turns her head when she hears his voice and can't help the smile that appears. He's holding Kate in his arms, a sheepish grin on his lips. She stands up and walks over to him. "Sorry," he whispers.

She shakes her head and leans up to kiss him gently. "Don't be. I'm glad you're here." She takes Kate from him and smiles at her. Kate leans her head against her shoulder and Rose brushes her hair down.

The Doctor smiles when Kate looks back at him, then leans forward and whispers, "You should introduce them."

Rose nods and turns back to where the Doctor still sits on the bench. She waves for him to come over, smiling to herself at how nervous he looks. When he reaches them she says, "This is Kate. Catherine Donna Tyler-Smith."

He smiles. "That's a wonderful name. She quite likes it too." He looks back at Rose. "How old is she?"

"She just turned one last month." She sighs, "She's going too fast. Soon she might run off with a man in a blue box."

Kate reaches out to him and Rose smiles and hands her to the Doctor. She steps back, standing beside her husband and watches her daughter meet the man that changed her life forever.

"Hello, Kate." His voice is gentle, "I'm the Doctor." He pauses and Rose looks up at her Doctor, he's smiling. "Yes, I know that's daddy, but it's me too."

Rose shakes her head. "It's still weird that you do that, and he's been doing it since she was born."

"Yeah," she looks at her Doctor again, "but it's great when she corrects those shows Jackie puts on telly."

The Doctor looks up at the man who was once his twin. "Glad your mum's not here, I didn't fancy a slap." Kate pulls at the Doctor's bowtie and he smiles. "I'll have you know, baby Kate, bowties are cool." She giggles. "Yes they are."

Rose laughs and retrieves Kate from him. "How long have you got?"

"I shouldn't stay much longer." He gives her a long, searching look. "It was good to see you. Both of you."

He stands there for a moment and Rose realizes this will be the last time she ever sees this man. She doesn't hesitate to give him a hug and smiles when he tightens his arms around her. She whispers, "Find someone. Don't be on your own again, Doctor."

She moves back and he smiles. "Best get on."

He leaves then, and she smiles sadly. Her Doctor moves beside her and places his arm around her waist. She looks up at him. "It wasn't as hard as I thought…"

He nods, leans down and kisses her softly. "I'm glad."

"I love you."

"I love you." He kisses Kate's forehead. "My Rose and Kate."


End file.
